


Here There Be Dragons

by Haywire



Category: Welcome to Night Vale
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-10-26
Updated: 2013-10-26
Packaged: 2017-12-30 13:26:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,933
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1019152
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Haywire/pseuds/Haywire
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Unusual weather occurs in Night Vale, and then there are dragons. Just another day in this small desert community.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Here There Be Dragons

**Author's Note:**

> Written for Spook Me 2013. Apologies in advance as it's my first attempt at writing in this fandom, but I wanted to give it a shot. :)

Remember to just breathe, but do it very quietly and evenly or else the malevolent presence in your bedroom may realize that you’re not really asleep after all.

Welcome to Night Vale.

Listeners, big news to report in the entertainment world - today I am proud to announce that our humble community will be hosting an episode from the upcoming season of Chanting With The Stars. The popular reality television program, of course, pits nameless dark and mysterious organizations against one another, chanting dead languages with baleful tongues in odious monotone to various heavenly bodies, and each week the losing team is ritualistically sacrificed to whichever forgotten deity is guest judging that episode, along with select lucky members of the audience.

But Cecil, you say, hearts no doubt pounding in your chest from an intoxicating mixture of fear and adrenaline at the thought of being at the show’s taping, why would such a show come to Night Vale? Well, ladies and gentlemen, rumour has it that Station Management will be appointing the guest judge for our episode. I dare not speculate whether it will actually be someone from Station Management at the show, because I have not actually seen anyone from our Station Management, and were I to gaze upon them I would surely forfeit both my sanity and my very will to live, leaving me a shattered, empty husk of a man for the remainder of my numbered days. Plus they do not venture outside of their office, so there’s that.

Night Vale Community Radio is proud to be a sponsor of Chanting With The Stars. Other notable local sponsors include Big Rico’s Pizza, Dark Owl Records, and Louie’s Music Shop, which burned down years ago.

The concert, of course, will not be held at the Night Vale Stadium, which, while it does seat 50,000 people, is only used only on November 10th for the annual parade of Mysterious Hooded Figures as everyone knows. The venue will be announced in the near future - look for the corpse of a recently deceased rodent or similarly sized mammal on your porch at dusk, disembowel its remains, and the new location can be divined from reading its innards. Should that location then in turn be changed, a mass e-mail will be sent out.

It is rumoured that the winning team this season will have the privilege, nay, the honour of entering the Dog Park, from where they will never return, of course, but they will live on forever in our hearts, much like our former intern Dana

And folks, if you’ll allow me to make a slight editorial, I really hope that Steve Carlsberg participates this year and is on the winning team. Night Vale is behind you, Steve. You deserve it.

In breaking news, I’ve just been informed that there’s some interesting weather taking place across town. We usually deal with the weather later in our broadcast, but… well, Night Vale, this is a first. It is snowing in Night Vale.

Yes, you heard me right. _Snow._ In Night Vale. Our station received a phone call from John Peters, you know, the farmer, who informed us that several inches of snow have already fallen throughout town and that more still is falling, smothering all of the buildings, cars, and people underneath it. Several reports are coming in of children making snow angels, writhing on the ground and flailing their arms and legs as they scream with what could only be presumed to be childish delight and not agony or terror. Probably.

One eyewitness, however, told us that Old Woman Josie was overheard to whisper “Those are not angels” at the sight before quickly fleeing the scene, escorted by one or two presences that the eyewitness could neither confirm nor deny the existence of, strangely enough. Oh Josie, there is no need to be a party pooper. Besides, we all know that there are no such things as angels anyway, so, you know.

My friends, I know that this is highly unusual, but I just have to see this for myself. I shall not be gone long, faithful listeners, I will just stick my head outside of the bathroom window and take a look around - it’s my turn to feed Khoshekh and the kittens anyway, and trust me, you do not want them to start meowing. I leave you now with this announcement from one of our loyal sponsors.

We’ve all been there. You wake up disoriented to darkness. Deafening silence. Where are you? How did you get there? What is that sticky fluid coating your entire body, and why is it so warm? Who or what is the hot breath on the nape of your neck coming from, and what do they or it want? And the hunger, the endless, insatiable hunger, so overwhelmingly powerful that your stomach is screaming to be fed and you are nearly doubled over from the agonizing pain.

Wherever the weekend takes you, bring Pepto-Bismol. Yup, you’re covered.

Listeners - I am back, and I do _not_ have good news. It appears that the earlier reports of snow were incorrect, for that is not snow cluttering our streets and skies. At first glance it appears to be, gently flitting through the air and accumulating everywhere, but it is not that pure white substance that is rumoured to exist in other places of the world. Much like mountains, of course, we have absolutely no proof that snow exists anywhere outside of fables and fairy tales, but for argument’s sake let us assume that it does. No, listeners, on closer examination this substance is not snow, but in fact it is… ash. Warm, grey ash that is raining down from the heavens.

I placed my hand outside of the bathroom window to catch what I first thought were snowflakes and to my surprise my palm was immediately heated by the flakes which landed upon it. I am just glad that I did not attempt to catch them on my tongue, dear listeners. This is not snow that is coating everything it touches, but ash and soot that is piling up at such a rate that we are in imminent peril of being buried alive in a surprisingly warm and comfortable yet lethal fashion.

But Cecil, you say, how can you be sure of this? You have not seen snow, so how do you know we are wrong? How can you be so positive that it is smoldering ash instead? Because, Night Vale, aside from the countless rooftops on fire all around us and the 700% reported increase of third degree burns since the ‘snow’ began - which, granted, could also be completely coincidental - I saw several terrifying forms aloft in the air. These behemoths, inexplicably airborne despite their massive weight and non-aerodynamic bodies, are the source of the ashes - here there be dragons. Night Vale is under attack by dragons of all shapes and sizes, each one larger and more hideous than the previous. Jets of flame and plumes of impossibly black smoke darken the sky, and their screeches are carried on the wind along with the promise of death and destruction.

Word is that the malevolent denizens that reside under the Desert Flower Bowling Alley and Fun Complex - you know, the ones whose city lies beneath the pin retrieval area of lane five and who are currently waging war against our fair town - have even temporarily halted their assault against Night Vale in an effort to fend off the new threat darkening our door.

The only area where there are no dragons, it would seem, is in the vicinity of the dog park, which we all know does not in fact exist and where none of us ever dare set foot nor discuss with anyone, ever. Apparently that goes for dragons as well, which is probably smart on their part.

And now, we move to the traffic report. There is no traffic, thanks to the invading dragons having immolated each and every moving object in sight, including any and all vehicles on our roadways and highways. Pedestrian traffic is also nonexistent for the same reason. Some interruption is expected on the parkway this evening due to the scheduled repair of the many potholes scarring the area, however I have a sneaking suspicion that this work may be postponed given our pending annihilation. More on that as we hear about it, Night Vale, but for now it might be in your best interest to keep off of the roads until your untimely demise or the construction has been completed, whichever comes first. Most likely the former.

Stay tuned for more on this and other stories as they develop, listeners, and for now: the weather.

_[insert indie song here]_

Listeners, if you are still out there, I have great news. The dragons have left as suddenly as they first arrived. It turned out that they were here for a family reunion, and that they are all related to our own resident, five headed dragon, Hiram McDaniels. McDaniels, who just held a press conference to explain the situation, claims that he had warned us of this pending reunion, which had been in the planning stages for nearly a full year now, on his blog, but he also admitted that due to his current campaign to be Night Vale’s next mayor he _might_ have forgotten to actually warn us about the reunion. Either way, McDaniels says, he apologizes for the massive amount of property damage and casualties, and that the next time his family intends to arrive and immolate our town and citizens he will _totally_ tweet about it in advance or something. Maybe he will make a Facebook group to keep everyone posted. McDaniels then proceeded to pinky swear this promise, but was unable to do this due to the fact his pinky is larger than a normal person’s entire hand, so instead he just ever so gently fist bumped the nearest reporter before taking to the skies and heading for parts unknown.

Well, that solves that, then. There is still the issue of cleaning up all of the debris, dead bodies, and heaps upon heaps of smoldering ash that is still clogging up our fair town, however. So, in that regard, the Town Council has announced that tomorrow there will be an emergency street cleaning… oh.

Oh, dear god, no.

Following the unpleasantness that is the street cleaning, the Town Council, who also announced that they will be leaving town effective immediately and returning, and I quote, ‘next month or whenever’, there will be an all ages snowball fight in the hole in the vacant lot out back of the Ralph’s, which is now filled with ashes. Apparently local resident Steve Carlsberg suggested this activity in order to promote ‘togetherness’ and ‘fun’ following today's tragic events, or something. To which I say: that Steve Carlsberg. What an ash hole. We should rename the ash filled hole in the vacant lot out back of the Ralph’s just that, the Steve Carlsberg ash hole. Feel free to write the Town Council - once they return, of course - to suggest the same thing, Night Vale, and tell them that Cecil sent you.

But for now, listeners, it is time to bid you farewell. Stay tuned for our next program, featuring an in depth interview with Night Vale’s own Big Rico of Big Rico’s Pizza, which you are mandated to listen to, much like how you are mandated to eat at Big Rico’s Pizza at least once per week. Stay tuned, or else.

Good night, Night Vale. Good night.


End file.
